Om Namah Shivaya

My religious upbringing was a mixed bag. My Father was born and raised Jewish. My Mother was born and raised Mennonite. Both chose to look for other spiritual paths in their 20's. My mom looked around for a while. There was a Unitarian church she attended when we lived in MD, but she didn't like any of the practices she visited in Albuquerque. I think she is still a spiritual person even though she is not affiliated with a particular faith at the moment.

My dad on the other hand started following Siddha Yoga before my birth and still does to this day. When I was young there was a yoga center in our town he would attend occasionally, now I think his practices are mostly personal.

As children and young adults my sisters and i were never forced to attend any services. But as we got older and more curious we were encouraged to visit the religious centers of my parents and even friends. Free to make our own choices.

For a while in my pre-teen and teen (?) years i became very interested in Siddha Yoga. I went to the local yoga center with my father. I even went to a 2 week intensive in upstate NY where I saw the guru herself. There's not a lot I've kept with me from those days. I remember i loved the chanting part best. I cannot smell nag champa incense without being drawn back to that white carpeted finished basement of someone's house. The sound of Indian instruments playing.

The only thing i use is a mantra: Om Namah Shivaya. This loosely translates to "I honor the divinity within myself". When I was taught how to meditate, I was told to think this mantra on each inhale and each exhale. This was one method to quiet the mind and get to the divinity part of meditation.

Needless to say, I have never been very good at meditating. I am unable to get to that point where my mind ceases it's never ending stream of chatter. But i still use this method to relax myself in many situations. Times of great stress or emotion. Times of great pain. (Hello labor!) And recently, every single moment of the day or night when I am able to catch a few hours of sleep. When my overtired brain wants to run in a million different directions, about 10 minutes of repeating the mantra on each inhale and exhale slows my breathing and quiets my brain.

Oddly enough I had forgotten the meaning until yesterday when I asked my Dad. I don't know that I'm any closer to reaching Nirvana, but the sleep is surely blissful.

Update on Baby Life

I definitely feel like I am in much better shape mentally this time around. I remember distinctly around the 2 week point with Miss D having a total mental breakdown. Now we did have the added stress of having just moved in to a new house, and the fact that parenthood was totally new and we were so concerned about doing something wrong or harmful in addition to the lack of sleep. But on Monday, Bubba will be 2 weeks old and i actually feel like we are reaching a bit of a groove. (subject to change at any time of course!) i don't know if I have just adjusted to the lack of sleep or if I am doing a better job of catching naps when I have the opportunity.

I also suspect that Bubba may be sleeping more/better at night than Miss D did because I am having him sleep on me. (With Miss D i was too afraid I would squish her) Or maybe he is just pretty good with his days/nights. He tends to be more alert during the day and for the past week anyway between 12AM-7AM he goes right back to sleep after feedings. (Approx. every 2 hours but sometimes up to 3)

I am amazed by the rapidity of my stomach shrinking. maybe it is because I have a 4 1/2 year old daily marking the progress of my belly button from outie to innie, but I don't remember shrinking down this fast last time. (Or maybe I was just too out of it to be aware) This has led to some rather ambitious clothing choices on my part. I did try to fit into a bigger pair of my regular pants the other day. (Not ready.) And a bigger shirt yesterday (quite tight). Methinks i will be in elastic waists for a while yet but i may raid my "regular" closet for some shirts. Can you tell I am sick of maternity clothes?

We all knew it would be different when the baby came, we just didn't know how it would be different. Honestly, most of my thoughts were about Miss D, and I didn't even consider how husband and I would need to change to account for another being in the house. One thing that is becoming clear- with a one child house there is always the chance that one of you will have a break while the other one is amusing the child. That is a luxury we will no longer have. We have definitely benefited from my Mother being here and I am a little afraid to see what's going to happen when she leaves.... ;( But on the other hand, we have to figure it out sometime!

Miss D herself is not displaying any jealousy. If anything she is sometimes too affectionate. She always wants to touch and hold and kiss him. And she likes to do this at inopportune times like when he is sleeping or eating. (OK that is what he is doing most of the time so i guess I have to cut her some slack there) As time goes on and also when mom leaves i think the reality of the changed situation will settle in more. She has been a bit more whiny of late, but she also has a cold so it's hard to say what is causing it.

Starting Dec 1, she will be going to school Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. Until now, she has had a class on her off days (Gymnastics or Ballet). This has been great because i make sure she is getting some physical activity each day and also breaks up the day for both of us. Unfortunately, the park district does not offer any classes the entire month of December. Which means that every tuesday and thursday it will be all me with both kids...*titters nervously*

So Tired- No surprises

Needless to say, I have been short on time and brainpower and the ability to form a cohesive sentence let alone blog entry seems to elude me.

I have been so fortunate to have my mother here to allow me to nap.

The Most Uneventful Birth that Ever Was

Baby's birth was about the most pleasant experience modern medicine can provide. If you can even imagine using such a word to describe childbirth.

The only snaffu came when we arrived promptly at 6am and found out that my medical records had not made it downstairs so the induction could not start until after 9am when my Dr.'s office opened. After a mere 4 hours, and 2 IV bags later, things finally got started with the pitocin.

I had heard a lot of bad things about pitocin. Mainly that the contractions are much more painful than naturally occurring labor pains. For me, they were not that bad. Perhaps this was because I was already 3cm and 70% effaced, so the pitocin was just giving me a little nudge. They started me on a very small amount and then gradually increased it. When I started feeling the contractions getting more painful i asked for the epidural. I didn't have to wait too long for it. And then I was feeling no pain.

Around the time I hit transition I really started feeling some pain so I begged for some more medication and I got a super dose. Like, could not move my own legs dose. And I was feeling nothing. What seemed like an hour or so later my doctor came in to check me and said "Oh! There's the baby's head. Let's get started!" I was shocked because i was not even feeling the urge to push. I had had an epidural with Miss D but I definitely felt a lot of pressure and an intense need to push when it was pushing time. My doctor reassured me that the fact that i didn't feel the urge to push was great because then i wouldn't feel anything with the birth.

And she was right. It was kind of surreal actually. Everyone is telling me to push and I was doing my best to push and the whole time I'm thinking "Am i pushing? I hope I'm pushing because I'm really not sure what's going on down there..." But i guess I was doing fine because he came out on the 4th contraction. Beating Miss D's record of a mere 10 minutes of pushing.

They put him right on top of me as they were cutting the cord, which was nice because i hadn't gotten to see Miss D until she was cleaned up.

If Husband and i hadn't been in the room and had seen him put on top of me I think we might have been concerned that we got the right baby. He's a redhead! In sunlight it looks almost strawberry blond and with all the lanolin and darker light it looks more reddish-brown. His eyelashes and eyebrows are so fair they are transparent. The eyes are baby blue of course, but I can't tell if they are going to darken or not. Of course there is plenty of time for it to change, but it was just such a shock.

With Miss D when she was born, there was argument as to which of us she resembled more. With Bubba (working nickname- per husband) we look at him and wonder where he came from!* Ah the mysteries of genetics.

I will try to tell more about his first week home and how we are all adjusting as the week goes on.

*Of course there is something to trace it back to. My mom is a redhead with blue eyes and per Husband's Dad his paternal grandmother had red-headed siblings.

Baby Soon

At the doc yesterday she pronounced that she would be surprised if I made it until Monday without going into labor, but if I did, would I like to be induced on Monday morning?

Hellz yeah!

After three weeks of little sleep and constant, painful contractions I'm about ready to reach up there and pull out the baby with my bare hands. Ha ha!

No. I am serious.

Luckily, my mom was able to get a ticket here and flies in today so now we will save on babysitter fees too.

Leaves

Disturbing

This package has been open and sitting on a coffee table in the playroom since Sunday.*

*I feel i must say that this is probably the 3rd McD meal Miss D has ever had- and it was mainly because she wanted the My Little Pony Toy. It was a reward for helping rake leaves.